This is the actual text of an ad we got in the mail today celebrating the long-awaited completion of the remodeling of our local supermarket. I was annoyed by their excessive use of quotation marks. Check it out:
Dear Friends and Neighbors:
Stater Bros. Supermarkets is pleased to announce the completion of the $Million$ Dollar remodel of YOUR "Blue Ribbon" Stater Bros. Supermarket located [...] in the beautiful community of Fullerton. If you haven't seen us lately, give us a visit and see what's New and Exciting at "YOUR" Stater Bros. Supermarket.
YOUR Stater Bros. Supermarket now features the following "New" and "Expanded" Full Service Departments.
• Full Service Meat Department with famous Stater Bros. Butchers behind the counter offering a selection of U.S.D. A. Prime Beef (upon request).
• Full Service "Fresh" Seafood Department where our trained Seafood Professionals can assist you in selecting a wide variety of Restaurant Quality Seafood that is U.S.D.C. Lot Inspected for freshness and quality.
• Full Service "Hot" Service Deli offering a complete selection of salads, a fresh salad bar and hot soup selections, premium deli meats, a wide variety of domestic and imported cheeses and olives, party trays, quick and easy hot lunches and dinners, sandwiches-to-go, and our Famous Golden Fried Chicken.
• Full Service "Hot" Bakery where we offer dozens of exclusive, handcrafted, award winning desserts, our Classic Collections Gourmet Pies and custom-made decorated cakes for all occasions including picture cakes. We also feature a full line of Freshly Baked La Brea fine Artisan breads and rolls!
• "Garden Fresh" Produce Department was expanded and now features more than 900 choices of Fruits, Vegetables, Fresh Packaged Salads and Organic Products.
• Newly expanded Fresh "Floral Department" now offers a bigger and better selection of "freshly-cut" flower bouquets, plants, silk arrangements plus glass vase decor, candles, candle holders, beautiful ceramics and unique accessories for your home or to give as gifts.
• Stater Bros. Super Rx Pharmacy has been relocated to the front of the store and expanded to better serve our "Valued" customers.
Due to our concern for the Environment we have made major investments in new "Energy Saving" features such as; upgraded roofing to improve air-conditioning efficiency as well as interior lighting controls, new refrigeration controls, air handlers that adjust speed based upon temperature requirements, occupancy sensors, energy saving lamps plus new energy efficient Deli, Beverage and Freezer cases, all of which will lead to a 20% reduction in energy use.
The entire Stater Bros. "Family" of Employees is especially proud to have completed this major remodel, to serve "You" our "Valued" customer and we promise to give you the Best Service ...the Best Quality at the Best Prices each and every time you shop...
So what's better? Fresh, or "Fresh"?
Exactly how hot is "hot"?
Am I truly a valued customer, or just "valued"? Hmm?